i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
