with your own penis?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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