I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize