I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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