The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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