I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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