He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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