I must be too annoying 4 u.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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