he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize