Barsexuality is the new black.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
