i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
