just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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