3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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