She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
