the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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