Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
