Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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