I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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