mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
