we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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