apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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