well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize