We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
