i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
