help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
