i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
