my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize