I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
