I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
