we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
