You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
