Do you still have your period?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
