So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
