I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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