So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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