Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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