She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm passing your future prison.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
