I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
