if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
