Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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