There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize