once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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