i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
