Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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