new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
