Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's blow job season.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize