he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
