if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
