he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
