we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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