how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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