Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
