I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
