People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
