I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
