Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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