If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
