Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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