The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
