i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
