every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
