how can u be prego again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
