My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
