He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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