It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
