plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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