ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
