did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
