Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
