Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
