garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
