franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
