Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
