i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
