i love accidental penises.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
