I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
