my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
