I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
