Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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