Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i think i just lost a toe
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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