I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
