So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
