In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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