I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
