Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
