I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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