Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
