ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was like eating out sand paper
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
