Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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