you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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