i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
