So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize