Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
