it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize