if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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