what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
