somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ttyl tear gas
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
