idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
