i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
