you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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