i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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