Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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