if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
