Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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